Writing 5 days a week is hard. That is my goal. I didn't write today or yesterday. I'd like to write roughly one hundred and fifty words a day to get into the swing of the world and have it be like a mini meditation session. I am definitely doing the boot camp at my gym for 4 weeks for 75$, that is 12 classes so only 6.25$ a class. I am excited to combine that with eating healthier. I have made my goals for 2013 they are in no particular order; (You'll notice it is mostly centered around consistency)

Brandy’s Goals for 2013-

·         Get divorced by August

·         Get my marriage certificate by December

·         Pay off all credit cards ($1,000(ish))

·         Get new carpeting and windows for house

·         Start working out consistently

·         Begin keeping a blog consistently

·         Begin writing my book 5 days a week

·         Have walls re-painted by March

·         Get dishwasher

·         Get bathroom vanity and medicine cabinet replaced. 

My outline and sub-points;

Book

1.       How I lost my childhood

a.       Sexual Abuse Maybe

b.      Broken Home

c.       Alcohol Abuse

2.       How I Became an Adult, or at least a Pretend One

a.       My Mom’s Seizure Stroke

b.      Learning How to Pay Bills

c.       Being the functioning adult at 13

3.       Sex

a.       WOAH

b.      Let’s do that again

c.       I am not leaving

4.       Life Decisions

a.       Not finishing High School

b.      Getting My GED

c.       I’m 18, let’s get married

5.       Let’s Have a Baby

a.       We’ve been married for a year

b.      A strong parental instinct

c.       We got a teenager

d.      We’re Pregnant

6.       Surgeries and Blood

a.       A 9 hour surgery

b.      Dealing with the In-Laws

c.       Honoring his wishes

7.       Oh Shit, we’re pregnant again

a.       Screaming in my car

b.      Let’s have an abortion

c.       Walking out of the clinic

d.      She died anyways

8.       One Tiny Coffin

a.       A baby no one wanted at first

b.      Giving her heart away

c.       Cringing as they put the coffin down

9.       The Emotions of an Affair

a.       Needing support elsewhere

b.      No sex until I don’t live with you

c.       Finding it and realizing it isn't as good

10.   Attempting Normalcy

a.       Moving back in

b.      Treated horribly and staying anyways

c.       Wishing I hadn't come back

11.   Insurance? So What!

a.       Bills for a dead child

b.      We can’t pay

12.   Pregnant Again.

a.       An entire 9 months expecting your baby die

b.      Scared of everything

c.       Mentally preparing when I didn't want to

13.   Leaving with an Alive Baby

a.       The baby didn't die and I am not psychotic

b.      Breastfeeding issues

c.       When do we have to give her back to the hospital?

14.   Bankruptcy

a.       The easiest part of my journey

b.      The lawyers handle everything

c.       Done

15.   Saying Goodbye              

a.       An odd affair that made no sense

b.      Feeling betrayed when you said it was ok

c.       Loathing another person for doing what you couldn't

16.   New Love

a.       A new feeling

b.      Integrating into our home

c.       Step-father? Oh dear

17.   Life, Grief, and Continuing On.

a.       Life moves forward, do I want to catch up?

b.      Processing my own grief surrounding tragedies

c.       What’s next?

So I wrote 372 words today, not really the meat of the book but of the outline in my head. It seems like it is shaping up nicely, 17 chapters and sub-points I'd like to hit. I like the fact I haven't told anyone I am writing this, I feel like I am only accountable to myself and no one else. I am doing this for me.

I also shampooed my carpets today and it is only 1:30 in the afternoon. Let us see what tomorrow brings. I am also thinking about doing a boot camp at my gym.

I am writing a book. Well I am going to be writing a book. Honestly I am going to start planning on how to write my book. That is where I am, my planning stage. It is a memoir for now but it may morph in to a reality based fiction novel based on my life. My life has been full of love, loss, tragedy, and so many other things. I am excited to write this book even it is only ever me that sees it.